Several years ago, while at work, I received a call from my Aunt Toni. Something was up.
I answered the phone and was met with, "Hi Tiffany, it's Tia Toni. I know you are at work, but something has happened. And if you can get off work, I think you should."
"Ok," I replied, "What's going on?"
"It's Samuel. He's...had... an accident at school. He got his hand caught in a grinder in his Ag class and is in the emergency room."
"Oh, my gosh! Is he Ok?? What happ...how...when??"
"It's pretty serious, he has severed an artery and the doctor is talking skin grafts and surgery."
With that, I asked for permission to leave work with a promise to make up my time. The timing could not have been more opportune. My parents were gone for the weekend at General Conference in Utah, but luckily were due back later that night.
I arrived at the emergency room to find Samuel lying on the bed and just as chipper as could be. "Hi Tiff!" One hand clenching to the other, with gauze, blood covered the front of him. My grandparents were sitting on separate chairs in the room, subdued and sullen, "Hi Mjitia," my grandmother quietly greeted. "Como esta Welita?" I said, as I whisked by her and gently cupped my hand on her shoulder.
I walked over to Samuel who sat up upon my arrival, the doctor standing next to him.. "Let's take off the gauze." With that Samuel did as the doctor ordered and stuck out his hand so that the doctor could further examine the damage. As he removed the gauze, I was not prepared for what I was about to see: the top of Samuel's hand, flesh completely removed and his bones and tendon exposed. I nearly fainted, but I mustered the guts to walk to the only empty chair in the room, next to Tia Toni. She must have seen the look on my face, because she inched closer to me, and put her arm around me. My grandfather, could not even stand the sight, and got up and left the room. He sought much comfort in his cigarette that he smoked at the nearest exit.
"Samuel, what happened?"
"Wellllll, I was standing next to the grinder and I was telling Amanda* this story, and when I flung my arms, I was so close I didn't realize it, but the grinder just sucked my hand up...Tiff, the blood! There was tons of blood all over Jake's truck! There was this pool of blood on his floor mats....The security guard told us to go to the nurses's office, can you believe the idiot?? I severed an artery, dude!! So, Jake and I just took off - so much for the security guard!"
All could do was look at him, how was I supposed to respond to that?
Numerous people came by the emergency room, friends, teachers, and even the superintendent of schools.
All the while, I am trying to call my parent's cell phone, to which I get voicemail every time. You can imagine that I was feeling really pressured and frustrated by this time.
The doctor further discussed surgery and skin grafting, but without my parents, what were we supposed to do? The doctor eventually stretched the skin shut, sewed him up and ordered him to lay off for a few days.
Several hours later, while at home and earnestly trying to keep Samuel still for just a few moments, my mother finally called, "Tiffany! What is going on with Samuel? I got your messages, and they got progressively worse...what happened? Is he ok.......??
I explained the situation from start to finish. But, they still were not due home for another few hours. A few long hours. In the meantime, Samuel, was insistent on getting back to school. "I'll be ok", he said.
At this point, I was literally a wet noodle. I had no strength from being in knots, and sick with worry. My parents finally burst through the door awaiting to see what had happened. My mother informed Samuel that he would not be going to school for at least two days. Needless to say, he was disappointed.
And that is one of my memories of Samuel Jon Castillo.
It's hard to believe that another year has passed us. Each year gets only but a little better. In the four years that have gone by without Samuel, I have learned that grieving is as unique to one as their own DNA. I might have said that before, but it is true. Each person grieves differently. Grief has little to do with progression and everything to do with the feelings of sorrow that you feel when you experience death of a loved one.
Throughout the year, there have been times when I just have had to sit and let it all out. I cry and heave and allow myself to feel what it feels like to miss someone so terribly that you cannot do anything else but just cry. I do this private. It's that sacred to me.
But shortly after, I remind myself of where he is and what he is doing. Dwelling on this brings peace back in.
A few months ago I was rummaging through boxes and stumbled on several photographs of Samuel. It was bittersweet. I recalled the times reflected in the photographs and it hurt. Each photograph brought on a quiet, low "Oh, Samuel."
But, his story is one that I enjoy telling over and over.
With his goat that droves us all nuts. This goat cried all the time! He literally had a petting zoo in the backyard at one time. He had rabbits, a goat, a bearded lizard, ducks to name a few.
On his graduation day.
In Hawaii at the Old Lahaina Luau. He absolutely hated this trip. If it wasn't in Texas, he did not want to go. I love that he is wearing his Dickies and button-down.
Our very last Family photo. I think it was taken just a few months before he died. The boys were on their way to a concert, I cannot remember which one.
